Monday, 28 April 2008
The psychologist said these kinds of parents were very often authoritarian- by this she did not mean parents who have true authority in the home and can set appropriate boundaries for their children's behaviour; but rather a control freak kind of authority in which secrets must be kept. I know parents who would demand absolute loyalty from their children-not healthy loyalty as one would expect from a loving family, but secret keeping-bad secret keeping. Children would be made to feel fear and guilt at the thought of trying to tell anyone else what happened within the confines of the family.
The other thing this psychologist mentioned was the 'respectable veneer' these kinds of parents often clung to.
Again I was struck by this. I too know parents who have done this. They cultivate a sense of being a pillar of society, known in the local community or church as someone 'good'. Under the veneer something rotten lurks of course, and if any whiff of this gets out those parents will usally blame the person who has seen it-cutting themselves off, or even keeping clear of people to avoid being found out.
I have seen families where friends are not allowed to come to the home, where children are isolated from any friends they make at school for fear of any 'secret' getting out.
So, one thing I think I have learned about abusive parents is this; THEY KNOW. They are not ignorant that what they are doing is bad. Healthy families do not ask children to keep secrets like that. They are not afraid that someone might find something out about them and they are not constantly bitter and angry about other people who may or may not have sussed there is a problem.
What fascinates me the most is how boring evil is. Satan is incapable of making anything new; he can only take what is and drain the colour from it, twist it out of shape or break it. I am coming to the conclusion that like Original Sin, all evil is not a 'something' but a lack of something. And I think there is always a deep anger-a fury even, against anyone who might shine a light on them.
I have seen that anger first hand in more than one situation working with or knowing abusive parents. It's something I think social services need to be much more canny about. I am shocked to see families that are rotten to the core being allowed to adopt and foster children.My dh has mentioned a case like that only a few days ago and the results for the child have been utterly dreadful.
Finally the psychologist went on to say she thought a lot more of this kind of abuse went on that we could imagine. I want to disagree, I really do. I want to say, no, it's rare-and I think the extreme cases like this one and the one my dh is working on are fairly rare; but abusive families are not and they need to be.
Dr Ray Guarendi has written about this somewhat in his book Back to the Family. I've mentioned it before. Many of the excellent parents in this book had survived pretty dreadful upbringings and had made an act of the will to NOT behave the way their parents did. It is not inevitable that abused children grow up to abuse, no matter how hurt.
Sometimes cases like this one in Austria may bring back horrible memories for survivors of abuse, but those memories serve only to ensure that act of will remains.
Friday, 25 April 2008
Sunday, 20 April 2008
Monday, 14 April 2008
Friday, 11 April 2008
Monday, 7 April 2008
He began to form more cells. Jesus grew in just the same way as we all grew from day 1.
It is a week later and today could be called Holy Implantation Day.
Jesus implants, snuggling into the womb of His blessed mother. (And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus).
Without these hidden days we would not have had our Messiah and He could not have saved us.
Remember this when scientists and media pundits tell you it's just a few cells. It doesn't hurt to experiment and destroy them.
All those children are being murdered. Every child is a made in the image and likeness of God because He creates and we procreate. God came to us as fully human and fully divine and He grew as any man will grow from zygote onwards.
Tuesday, 1 April 2008
Those who do love Christ's Divine Mercy do so because we are all too aware of sin in our lives and in the lives of people we love.
Thinking you have a "Get Into Heaven Free" card-as my sister calls it, is very likely a bad idea.
It goes with that little rhymn:
Mr Smith was very good
He went to church each Sunday
But Mr Smith-he went to hell
for what he did on Monday.