Pro-Life Witness

"Saturday, 27th September

Oxford Pro-life Witness, prayers in reparation for abortion, and for all unborn babies and their Mothers & Fathers.

At the entrance of the JOHN RADCLIFFE Hospital, Headley Way, Oxford.

We meet outside the Church of St Anthony of Padua (Headley Way) which is just behind where we witness.

3pm - 4pm

Exposition throughout the hour inside the Church and the Rosary/prayers are led by Fr John Saward.

God Bless ~ please keep praying for the witnesses, especially for all the Drs and nurses at the JR involved in anti-life exploits."

Can I also ask for prayers for my fellow homeschooling mum friend who helps organise these events. Without the work of people like her, I think people would forget the massive slaughter of babies in this country.

(I am not ready to reblog here yet-but I hope to return some time. God bless)

September is the month of the Seven Sorrows of Our Blessed Mother.

Today is her birthday, so Happy Birthday Dear Mother.

I am going to take a break from this blog for a while. I'll coninue my Homeschool blog-but things are too busy to keep two blogs going right now.

God bless everyone.

Been Awarded

Despite the fact I have barely been online the last few weeks-what with holidays and terminally ill computers-Philip has kindly awarded me this:

I had better start living up to it and get around and see y'all and say something commenterish.

And so pass it on:

1 Ebeth who is profound

2. Adrienne who understands long journeys

3. Karen the gem who speaks plainly and honestly-which I love.

4. Paul-who needs to BLOG already!!! But who remains the commenter extraodinaire on Holy Smoke.

4. Sue who also comments on Damian's blog and who I remember well from Catholic Pages days. I wish she had a blog.

5. Deb who is always thoughtful and kind

6. Rita who stands against the dark

7. Kirk who is new to me but I enjoy his blog

8. Maggie Clitherow a fellow homeschooler in the wild world.

God bless

Light and Dark

Some people are just holy. You meet them or see them on TV or the Internet and get a sense that they "glow in the dark." Mother Angelica, Fr Benedict Groeschel and Fr John Corapi spring to mind. But I have also met people in every day life who seem to have that genuine holiness about them. There's a Filipino lady who attends Mass at our church. She's small and unnoticeable in many ways-but I get the impression she really glows. Don't know why.

Then there are the quietly holy people. They don't give off as much light but there is a definite flame there and it stays lit sometimes in the most difficult circumstances.

I think these two sets of people are like the the two men in Jesus' parable with five talents and two talents.

Then there's the man given one talent. It doesn't seem fair at first, but he goes and hides it rather than use it properly-so maybe the Master had some idea he was faithless in some way. Then with the talent safely buried they can accuse God of being unjust as the faithless servant did in the parable-and so they feel free to behave as they like.

In fairy stories and the deeper stories of Tolkien good and evil are fairly straight forward and easy to discern. There is no mistaking the difference between elves and orcs; between the innocence of the princess and the wickedness of the witch. Their outward appearance often tells you whose side they are on.

Is it the same in reality? We are warned that the devil can appear as an angel of light-but there are always 'signs'-warnings that he ain't what he appears. Is it the same for people? Do they have signs that warn you even when they appear as 'angels of light'?

To be honest I think they do. They might not immediately appear to be orcs dressed as elves-but there are always little give aways to which we need to be alert. This is the battle ground after all and we are supposed to be soldiers in the Church Militant. Praying for discernment is a huge help because it seems to be one of those prayers God always answers with a 'yes' and a HUGE dollop of the appropriate grace.

A difficulty in the battle against evil can be our own fears of seeming uncharitable. It can seem wrong to think badly of others-especially when there is nothing concrete to pin the bad feelings on.

I've learned the real hard way that over riding discernment-those little red flags that warn of danger is a very bad idea.

But even then God comes to the rescue. He sends in some unlikely heroes to the rescue. I have been grateful for those two talent heroes on more than one occasion. They appear and speak at just the right time and say what needs to be said.

Sometimes the really holy ones can be the ones who are too charitable to speak up and give due warning. I can't begin to tell you how utterly painful it is to hear people admit AFTER you have been put through hell by some family or person; after a huge amount of damage has been done, that they KNEW they were bad news and that your kids were in danger but didn't think they should say anything.

People SPEAK UP!

I have a lot of time for those two talent people. I think Tolkien understood this too. It was hobbits that defeated Sauron in the end rather than the bright and shiny elves.

Sacrament of the Sick

Who can receive the Sacrament of the Sick? Just how sick do you have to be? In the past it seems to me it was basically for those at death's door- but there seems to be some recognition that chronic illness can be helped with this Sacrament.
I don't know the rules.
Can someone in chronic pain or a sick child not nearly dead receive it?
If anyone knows I would be appreciative.
Thanks

Renewing the Bride in the UK

From this morning's Office: (Is 61-62)

"No longer called “Forsaken,” your land no longer called “Desolate,”you will be called “My pleasure in her,” and your land “The Wedded”;for the Lord has been well pleased with you, and your land will receive its bridegroom."

Paul OTSOTA wrote somewhere on Damian Thompson's blog about how the Church in England could actually spend its money doing something really worthwhile such as true evangelisation with a TV station, website that actually teaches something good and True and so on.

It hit a nerve with me.

I wanted this blog to be a witness to my new found Faith. I wanted to witness to it all in a straightforward way without becoming some kind of apologist. I'm afraid I am too bad tempered to make a good apologist. I just wanted to be someone who could say clearly that I believe and why I do.

Okay, I haven't made a stella achievement in that area and frankly over the last three months I have been seriously toying with the idea of ditching this blog altogether.

Partly because I am going through a "What the heck does God WANT from me?" phase at the moment.

Meanwhile the First Born is trying his best to get back to America so he can study at FUS and do the very thing Paul is saying needs doing here. But First Born-as much as he would love to be part of a TV station putting out Catholic programmes, especially dramas, can't see that happening any time soon. Nevertheless, he did wonder if one day he might be able to start something small himself.

A great deal could be done at parish level if priests were not afraid to allow it. Fr Lawler in Leeds has, according to a member of his own parish, done wonderful work in renewing the understanding of the Faith and bringing people closer to God and in the process closer to one another. Here was a priest, we are told, not only allowing the renewal, but leading it as a father to his people.

I am sure there are many talented people in the UK who could set the country on fire with Truth. But they are scattered and have no father to lead them.

But if we pray God will raise up priests and fathers for the people and we will no longer be orphans, desolate and forsaken. We will be beloved and wedded and renewed.

I have a new laptop-well sorta new

I was pleased to see that my old laptop limped through our week away and allowed me to download and save photos and listen to downloaded Catholic Radio programmes. It fussed and groaned a bit-but kindly kept going until we got home.
A few days ago I realised it was terminal when smoke poured out of the back of it; but to my children's astonishment-(and concern: the Computer Wizz thought I might end up in smoke too) it limped on for another day.
So then I was without a computer-having to grab the odd moment on the kids desk top.
But today my reconditioned second hand laptop has arrived. Very nice it is too.
So I can blog again....
Erm...what shall I blog about I wonder....

Anyone know why I am having such a game installing MSM? How can I talk to my friends across the pond when the blooming thing wont install?

I'm BACK!

I had a week away in a part of the world that was internet-free.
I see that there have been many thoughtful, and quite heart rending comments on my previous post. Thank you to you all.
I have to agree very much with Rita's observation about how Catholic education can never recover while there is the National Curriculum and that deeply creepy organisation Connexions in our schools.
MaggieClitherow spoke of her husband's experience seeing the Precious Blood in a beaker. My children witnessed some pretty dodgy Masses in their time at school too.
Joe points out something I too have noted-many Catholic teachers avoid jobs in Catholic schools because of the 'politics'.
I do not doubt that brave heads do exist. In fact the local Catholic primary school had one such head until very recently. My older children attended that school which I thought was excellent. If he had stayed I may have had my younger children go to that school-but without him, it has already changed.
Like Philip, I too note that children don't seem to attend Mass during the hols. I get the sense from some families they have "better things to do". They simply don't get what the Mass is all about.
Susie's story illustrates how ignorance of the faith is effecting the next generation of teachers, and Adrienne who does know the Faith is left with an impossible task.

While I was away I had the chance to do some reading including some Chesterton. I bought the books from an internet site. I have learned a huge amount over the last 8 years from internet sites such as EWTN. It is the Internet and getting EWTN radio and TV that has brought me Home.
Nearly all the sites are American. THANK GOD for the Catholic Church in America because it is that side of the pond that will renew the Church here in the UK-of that I am sure.

I prayed for you all while I was away.
God bless

Are Catholic schools teaching children to leave the Faith?

I am on the list of those who get Daphne McLeod's "The Flock". For some time I have wondered if I am doing the right thing. I get an uncomfortable sense about the way things are written and I do not like the support for Christian Order and SSPX. However, I have continued to be on the list because what she says about Catholic schools is indeed what we have experienced as a family and what I continue to see when my children's friends are here.

Mrs McLeod, it seems to me, is quite right when she points out the terrible state of Catholic school education. When she says that children are exposed to sex education and are taught erroneous things about the Church-she is right. When she says "Icons" is terrible-she is quite right.

It's the holidays and so my house is constantly full of other people's teens. My son's friends either no longer practice the faith or are still confused and lacking in understanding about it.
My daughter's friends have either more or less stopped practicing or are in the process of learning to ditch it-at school.

On of my daughter's friends who is what might be called part of an 'insider' family in the Church was shocked to learn during a discussion a couple of weeks ago that Satan actually exists! She is 14 and did not know this.
She attends a 'very good' Catholic school and explained to me a couple of days ago that they were studying St Mark's Gospel and about people in the Church. She listed Liberals, conservatives, fundamentalists and a couple of other political mass media views. I asked her what on earth that meant and she wasn't sure-just that everyone has different views. She doesn't know the BASICS of what the Church teaches and has yet to set eyes on a Catechism but they are teaching her the secular politics of the media view!
On St Mark she said they told her no one knew who he was or if he wrote the Gospel or if he had even met Peter. The whole message she is receiving is that the Gospels are not to be trusted.
How do these teachers KNOW St Mark never wrote the Gospel; never met Peter? Where do their views come from?
Not the Church Father's that's for sure.

It sounds like Spong is teaching her.

She is angry and confused. Hardly surprising really.

I've heard the (LAME) arguments for why I should send my children to school. I have heard the 'support you Catholic school' arguments. I would if there was a Catholic school anywhere near me that was Catholic.
Then there's the "send your children to be evangelists" argument. This is so wicked and lame that it barely deserves an answer. Children are being formed and are not meant to be in the firing line of an anti-Faith agenda. Jesus, as Dr Ray Guarendi points out-never used children to spread His message.
So excuse me if I do not sacrifice my children's eternal future to some ludicrous idea that little ones can evangelise schools!

Meanwhile I have only seen the lone figure of Mrs Daphne McLeod being willing to fight this fight. So despite my concerns-I will continue to support her.

Roy Schoeman in Oxford

Roy Schoeman will be in England and telling his wonderful conversion story in Oxford.

You can hear him speak at

7pm on 13th August at St Gregory & St Augustine's Church on the Woodstock Road Oxford.

If you can get there I highly recommend it. I have heard Mr. Schoeman's story of how he came from Judaism to Catholicism and it is well worth hearing.

I have his book 'Salvation is from the Jews' but I haven't yet got around to buying 'Honey From the Rock'.

He is a great speaker and very blessed to have been visited by Jesus and His Blessed Mother.

Visit his website HERE and if you can't get to Oxford you can find listen to his conversion story on that site.

Feast of St Bridget

Today is the feast of St Bridget of Sweden. She is someone I love dearly and I am so grateful for her prayers and presence at times of great trial.

She was a woman whose mighty strength came from her love of God and the many graces He poured out for her. She was a wife and mother, a reformer and prophet. After the death of her husband the good and gentle Ulf she founded her order of St Saviour known as the Bridgetines. The order was a power house of prayer for the reformation of the Church that was in such a serious state in those days with pretty awful popes at the helm.

Bridget and Ulf had four boys and four girls. Two of their boys died very young, so she is wonderful in those situations when you fear the loss of a child as I did at the emergency section of my youngest dd.

Her oldest son Karl fell into bad company and became entangled with Queen Joanna of Naples - a woman who was pretty evil really and caused great pain to all who had to deal with her. Both Karl and the Queen already had spouses but there was a threat they would try and ditch them and marry.

Bridget prayed for her first born that he would not be lost. He died of a fever and I trust he was saved.

So this beautiful saint is the one to turn to when children lose faith or get into bad ways.

Her second son Birger married but was also a companion to his mother as she travelled. Of her daughters three married, Katrin (Karin or Catherine), Cecilia and Merita while Ingbord became a Cistercian. Once she had been widowed Katrin entered religious life also and eventually joined her mother's order and is canonised as St Catherine of Sweden or Verdena. St Catherine of Sienna wrote to St Katrin asking her to intervene with Queen Joanna - who was making things difficult in the great reform of the Church these mighty saints were brining about. Katrin refused because of the situation that had occurred with her brother Karl.

Nevertheless these three great saints worked tirelessly to see the Church renewed. St Catherine of Sienna finally saw the pope return to the Vatican as he should have.

Bridget died on July 23rd 1373 and was canonised on October 7th 1391.

Santa Birgitta ora pro nobis

Rachel weeps in China

A few weeks ago the Catholic Herald actually published a letter that said bluntly that China's one child policy was a great idea and the Church and the west should support it.

I can only hope the person who wrote this stuff is completely ignorant of just what the this policy entails.

Mark Miravelle has written a book called "The Seven Sorrows of China." I listened to him being interviewed by Al Kresta on Immaculate Heart Radio (Click on Kresta in the Afternoon 07/17.08).

Dr Miravelle talks of his visit to China and of the families and bishop who told their secret stories. As the decedent West insists on doing business and making money with China, so mothers have their nearly born babies murdered in front of them.

As the media gets all excited about the upcoming Olympics and the ethics of drug enhanced performance, children are left in the back rooms of so called orphanages where they are expected to die.

While China welcomes tourists from Europe and America you can buy a bowl of fetal soup for 500yen. This soup of murdered babies is supposed to be a health tonic!

The horror that is the lives of ordinary Chinese people beggars belief. In fact Dr Miravelle said one person he spoke to on his return home just refused to believe him saying "The UN would not allow this."

THE UN!!!

That bastion of all things amoral would of course turn a blind eye to the massive abuses in China.

In fact with some help from the British Government I do not doubt it is helping to fund and enable the travesties that go on there.

You can read a great deal of what Dr Miravelle saw and heard in these links.

Please try and find the time to read them. I think these first hand stories are of vital importance.

The Seven Sorrows of China

Part One

part Two

Part Three

Part four

part five

part six

part seven

I really do not understand how we can turn away from all this happening. I don't understand Christians prepared to do business with China. I really really do not at all understand how on earth the Beijing Govt were offered the massive kudos of holding the Olympic Games.

I pray that there will be people like my oldest son who want to tell these stories and make people see what is happening.

God help China.

The Farmer went out to sow...

Listening to the Gospel and Father's homily on Sunday I must


admit to some irreverent thoughts. In order for God's Word


to grow the soil within us has to be good soil. If we are going to produce good fruit, the soil must be fed to give it that quality that will produce the crop.


Into every life a little rain must fall-but it takes a whole load of manure to produce good soil.

Many of us seem to have to handle a whole lot of ...erm...let's say 'crap' in this life.

Fr John Corapi says that terrible things that happen can work two ways with people. It can make them better people with a stronger faith in God, or it can make them bitter and turn away from God.

We need to be prepared to take up our cross and follow Him. Sometimes that cross can be downright heavy, but He says 'Come to me those who are heavily burdened and I will give you rest.' Often those burdens are made heavy by our own making. We think we can have it all our own way. We see Christ there-arms outstretched-but the eye of the needle we need to pass through is so narrow and that means ditching so much we are rather fond of.

The rich man could be like the young man who didn't want to sell it all and follow Christ, but these days I think many of us have had a wealth of personal opinions and ideas that we were unwilling to ditch so we could come to Christ.

If the Farmer can't find good soil or the soil wont absorb the crap but would rather remain clean and dry then the crop will not grow and people will go hungry.

It's a tough journey for some of us. As I watch the horror story that is the Anglican communion at the moment I pray for those who are looking out to see Christ calling them through that narrow gate.
As the seed falls let it not be on those who look and look but refuse to see.
The readings for Sunday surely speak to those looking to Rome.
May God bless and guide all who seek Him first and may he bring them safely home to His Bride.

Quick Ten Words

I read or heard recently that the average person who claims to be Christian doesn't know the Ten Commandments. I think this is because they are quite difficult to remember if you are trying to remember the whole Scripture passage.
When I taught the children, we did a quick version.

1. ONE God-no others
2. His Name is Holy
3. Keep Sabbath Holy
4. Honour your father and mother
5. No murder
6. No adultery
7. No stealing
8. No false witness
9. Don't covet neighbours wife (spouse)
10. Don't covet neighbours goods.

I split them into the first three are about God and right worship; 4 is about family and Church and 5-10 are about family and community.

After they had learned them we could do some Catechism.

It's made it easier for me to remember them anyway.

Ignorance is Bleurgh!

I don't know what Father Melchizedek makes of what is going on with the Anglicans and some Catholic responses to it. There seems to be a sad lack of understanding and even respect for the renewal of the Priesthood of Melchizedek that Christ brought about as He gave authority (yes that word) to the Apostles.

When David sang of Solomon "Thou art a priest forever of the the order of Melchizedek" (Ps 110:4) he was prophesying the end of temporary Levitical priesthood and the re-newing of the priesthood of the father and first born son-the priesthood of the Bridegroom.

Jesus founded His Church-His Bride on the shoulders of Peter and the apostles and he gave then authority to follow His Will. This was not a licence to do as they pleased. All authority is limited and the authority of the Church is limited by what God asks for. Surely that is only right and just.

If a group of people is going to claim to be followers of Christ, one can expect I would think that they follow Christ and not their own wants and opinions. Sadly the CofE has shown itself as nothing more than a club in which the rules for membership can shift and change with the shifting demands of various members of the group.

WHERE IS CHRIST IN ANY OF THIS? He just doesn't seem to get a look in while all the political and personal agendas fly. Paul (OTSOTA) has pointed out on Holy Smoke just how narcissistic many commentators present themselves as being.

In the beginning, Scripture tells us, God made them "male and female". Did He make a mistake? Was he supposed to have made them not equal in His sight but the SAME? God has decided the roles men and women are to have in life and when they are treated with dignity and respect there is nothing wrong with different roles. The priesthood is inextricably tied in with how God revealed Himself as Bridegroom and Father-that is not a woman's role.

While this can be a difficult area of Biblical exegesis and Tradition for the average Joe to grasp. Well, I found it hard to begin with and I reckon I'm about average- I would have thought the intellectuals of the CofE and Catholics should get it. The reason they don't seems to be because they are not looking for Truth. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh-but we are called to seek first the Kingdom.

I hope that those seeking to enter the Church now are doing so because they are seeking and finding the Kingdom. That they are putting Christ at the centre of the their lives and trying to follow Him. If all they are doing is looking for something that serves their personal agendas a little more comfortably, then I don't see them either crossing the Tiber or staying here.

God bless them and guide them.

Send out the life boats and bring in the Anglicans.

Damian Thompson has covered the appalling and tragic mess the Anglicans are struggling with in some depth. While we are treated to rumours that up to 13,000 Anglicans are ready to cross the Tiber-a rumour that has even made it to EWTN's World Over Live coverage; there seems a great deal of confusion about just what the real problem is within the Anglican loosely held communion. Many people have pointed out that as women were 'ordained' to the ministry -what they call priesthood, it was hardly likely they would never be made bishops. There is already the rather odd-from a Christian point of view- American Episcopalian lady who is supposed to be a bishop.

There are those of us tempted to see the terrible and quite unChrist like situation facing this communion as rooted in their all too ready acceptance of Contraception back at the Lambeth Conference of 1930. Something that Pope Pius XI responded to very quickly with his encyclical Casti Connubii in response to this.

Once you decide to ditch God's law on the unitive aspects of marriage then all sorts of other sins are acceptable. In fact Rowan Williams has written on this when he cleverly approached the question of actively homosexual men being ordained to Anglican orders. Without reference let alone quotes from Scripture, he basically said that as Anglicans accept that their can be a deliberate block to procreation with the sexual act-then other sexual acts must be accepted.

So then once the understanding of the roles of male and female in marriage are undermined and corrupted-then the role of the priesthood as God created it is corrupted. There is no proper role of male and female. They are no longer complementary but the same and interchangeable. Marriage looses its holiness and so then does ordination.

How anyone who puts Christ at the centre of the their lives and claims a 'Catholic' heritage can remain part of such a -well lets be blunt here; this is pagan-organisation is something I don't really understand. I understand the horrible practicalities for those with livelihoods and families dependant on said organisation and I see the coldness from our own hierarchy here in England-but we are called to be God's Servant's first, even when we might lose our heads.

St John Bosco's dream of the great ship ploughing the storm tossed seas comes to mind here. She is attacked on all sides, but She has a flotilla of smaller boats that accompany her to battle against those ships which through weapons of all kinds, including books and tracts at her. Some boats though remain cowardly and in the lee of the great ship until they are sure She has won.

Meanwhile other ships are crushed and sinking.

In this battle and storm the Anglicans face, souls are being lost. Let's not forget that. Some will sink in sheer apathy, but others through being misled and their fear of Truth. There may be a few little life rafts for those who can truly claim invincible ignorance-but I doubt that many can be saved this way.

Seek the Truth and be prepared to face the storm. I don't altogether blame those afraid to jump ship. I found my return to the Church a very difficult journey at times. But I assure you it has been worth it. It's so much better to be free of all that confusion and dishonesty.

So I pray many Anglicans will come home-not because they are 'anti-gay' or 'anti-women' as the media might portray them, but because they are Pro- Truth and Pro-Christ.

Friendship

When I was young-and that was some time ago-I remember hearing stories about Victorian women who would write to their friends or even to the man they would eventually marry. They would write long letters, often with little illustrations all about their every day life and these letters would pass back and forth for years without the writers ever actually meeting one another.

I write regularly to a friend I have only ever met once. We have kept our friendship without meeting since and bizarrely, in this day an age, we never phone nor email one another. We write snail mail.

I also keep in touch with an aunt this way. We get up to Scotland to see her once a year if possible and I see her then. But for the rest of the time we write-snail mail- as the Victorians would.

I have other friends I love dearly but who live a long way from us now. We phone now and then and email very occasionally. On those occasions when we phone I have to admit we can TALK! It is wonderful to have the chance to visit them and let the children play while we talk and talk and the men o off to look at wooden things or whatever.

Then there are the friends I have actually never met physically. I have only talked to them across a computer screen via blogs or forums and MSN. Last night I chatted for ages with such a friend on MSN. One day I really hope she can come to England. She has been so kind to us and at this very moment my oldest son The Bearded Wonder is staying with her and her family.

It has been a great blessing for me to find friends across the strange world of the Internet. People who are Catholic and actually share with me the same belief in Christ and His Church and love and loyalty for Her pope. It means we don't have to skip around the subject or hide what we believe. Some of you out there that I think of as friends I will probably never meet. In fact it seems a bit odd that my son is meeting my friend and I am not! Even if we never meet I think that does not make the friendship less real.

Friendship must surely be built on communication. What we say to one another, how we pray for one another is just as important, surely as being in the same room.

Okay I know there are times when we need to actually BE there for a friend. There are those special events, those terrible times, and the occasional crisis when we simply have to get there even if it means getting of a train for a few hours to get to the other side of the country. We've all had to do that now and again.

And of course there is the every day kind of friendship over coffee. Those days in the park while the kids play and the grown ups chill and those times when someone turns up on the door step out of the blue with a bunch of flowers.

But what I am saying is there is nothing less in the kindness and sharing of online friends, and this has surprised me somewhat. But it seems to be true.

So God bless all my friends.

SS Peter and Paul

The Year of St Paul begins.
Today the Holy Father prayed for Christian Unity.
Peter and Paul were the dynamite of Christ that really got the Church founded.

I am in an awkward position for typing - sleeping baby moment-so here are links and stuff to start the year:

Inside Scoop

VIDEO from Catholic online

Catholic Culture does us proud on this subject.

The CTS offers stuff.

That should get the year under way.

God bless you and may you be showered with graces this year and may many I am praying for be knocked off their horses!

Okay-no more pity party

I am so grateful for the kind words from Karen, Kit and Philip after my last post. I was feeling quite worn out and just a little self pitying at the time. In a really odd coincidence on the same day I made that post I discovered a book that has helped me a great deal.



PRAYING FOR HEALING by Dom Benedict Heron OSB

Meanwhile as my last hosptial appoitment was so bad I nearly left the room in tears I have decided to be pro-active. This is the internet world and patients have access to all sorts of information that we didn't have before. Instead of trying to avoid information in case Iupset my already rude and incaltricent doctors I have decided to get myself fully informed and even look for answers elsewhere.

So today I had my first visit to a Chiropractor.

First visit was free. The Chiropractor took my history and the first thing I noticed was he LISTENED to what I said! He asked questions and listened to the answers. If I asked questions he answered them clearly and did not once try to dodge the question.

He poked and prodded me much the same as the neuros do but with a few extra things I've never had done before. Then hewas a bit bemused.

You see it seems that it could all be .... a trapped nerve!!!!

Now then; I have been in pain DAILY for over five years. I have been using crutches and a $*&$"* wheelchair because I can't walk properly or far. If it turns out this is all due to a trapped nerve that should have been straightforward to diagnose I'll...I don't know.

Even though I would be really, really angry I would also be exstatically pleased because the chiropractor can sort it out. If it IS a trapped nerve I am looking at being able to walk again and be pain free!

PRAY people PLEASE.

He wants to see the MRI done in 2003 so I have phoned my GP and asked for it. I'll let you know how that goes.

One of the things that has struck me is the attitude of the staff at the Chiropractor clinic. The receptionist was kind and polite. The chiropractor himself was polite and greeted me with a handshake. He did not once treat me like an idiot.

What has happened to the culture within the NHS, that patients are treated so rudely; discarded; ignored and generally seen as gettin in the way? And how many die or are killed because treatment is too much like hard work?

I saw it back when I was a nurse and I thought it was awful then, but now it is all over the place. My friend has cancer. Her treatment has been nick named the "Economy Package" because of how she is being treated.

All I can say to anyone going through something like this-try and find the energy to fight back.

The Ones He Didn't Heal

I was teaching dd her RE lesson yesterday and we happened to be looking at the story of the Centurion who came to Jesus and asked that his servant be healed. He then came out with those timeless words said at every Mass "Lord I am not worthy to receive you under my roof, but only say the Word and my servant will be healed."

He has made it clear in his previous statement that he recognises the authority of Jesus.

Then, because of the faith of this gentile Jesus does as He has been asked.

We see in other parts of Scripture that lack of faith means lack of miracles.

These days whenever I read a story like this I am left a little saddened and wonder about all those people who did not get healed.

Was it simply lack of faith on their behalf?

In my nursing days I did come across people who actually wanted to stay ill. The secondary gains from their illness were so great they resisted all attempts to help them overcome their problems. In His ever polite way, I assume Jesus would leave people like this alone.

But I can't believe it was simply this and lack of faith that prevented-and still prevents- healing.

There has always been some form of medicine of course. God has provided plants and chemicals that over the years have become ever better forms of medication and these alongside increasing knowledge of how the body works and can be chopped up, sewn up, replaced and patched. So God offers healing through the skill of others.

But there are still plenty of us who are ill and are seeing doctors and getting nowhere.

I did not ask for healing to begin with because I had the belief I was meant to be this way and that's that. But then it became less obvious, I suppose, that being like this was any use at all.

So I have prayed for healing.

I do believe God can heal me if He wants to.

And here I am left with a sense that He doesn't want to.

Do I doubt that He loves me? Yes, honestly, sometimes I do. He heals others. I have seen it and heard about it-but so far He has not healed me.

Blessed Margaret of Costello was never healed either. In fact it seems her disabilities were used by God to help Him reach others who were wounded by life and sin.

She granted healing to a woman against her better judgement, as she believed the woman's disability was saving her from various sins she would otherwise be prone to.

Perhaps I am not to be healed because of sins I would otherwise commit.

During a really bad patch recently I was getting very frustrated and told my daughter I wished we could somehow find the money to let me go to Lourdes.

Fat chance!

However, the next morning I received a letter from a friend sending me a little bookmark that said "I prayed for you at Lourdes."

Perhaps I will have to carry this cross for the rest of my life. Perhaps I will not get worse-but chances are I will. Sometimes I am afraid I will not be much of a mother and will not be able to continue homeschooling. I worry that I wont be there for the children when they are adults-and I know all too well the pain of no parental support.

Or perhaps in the end a day will come when God will heal me.

I do know I am grossly unworthy to have Him under my roof-but if He would only say the Word I would be healed.