Tuesday, 5 June 2007

parenting an adult

Here I am with my house full of huge 18 year old boys-I mean men-or is it boys?
And that really is the question.
As a mum I am used to parenting, because that's what a mum does. But how do I parent an 18 year old?
"You have to let go," 'they' say, "you have to let him make his own mistakes."
Is that so?
The only reason there are three lads sitting around my dining table anotating their drama work right now is because their mum's have leaned on them heavily enough to get it sorted. As mums we know we are not going to see our sons pass their A'levels and move onward into life if we don't push here and there.
Certainly our sons have more responsibility now than even last year and more is to be expected of them, but I do not beleive they are fully fledged adults yet. It takes time, and part of that learning to be an adult experience is surely to realise we will always need others at times to push us forward or to guide us.
I am grateful to have friends and a husband who are willing to offer the push and encouragement I need sometimes.
Homestly, I would never have completeed my Master's at Maryvale if I had not had the support of friends and husband.

I think there are those who think it should be easy for me because I have 6 kids so surely I know what I'm doing by now-but this is the first time I've had an 18 yr old!

The other mums and I stand together and each play a role in keeping the three lads on the straight and narrow. We pray for our sons and we are horribly honest about them-top their face as well!

The three of them are working hard now and another mum will arrive soon to work with them.
At the end of June the exams will be over and we can relax a bit.
They are good lads and on the whole I think we can trust them to be out of our sight, but 18 is not a magic age when suddenly the brain forms a load of new synapses causing an out break of great common sense, judgement and thoughtfulness; no, it still takes formation.
I will still be mum-even when he leaves home, but I will be less hands-on I guess.

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